This week marked my 32nd week of treatment. These past 7 months have consisted of weekly doctor appointments, both local and into the city. The local ones haven't been too bad, specially once I was able to drive myself there. The ones into the city have been a totally different story, in specific the ones involving the ESCALATOR!!!
You might ask yourself what is the Escalator??? Well for my fellow New Yorkers, the Escalator I speak of is the escalator at the 59th St. and Lexington Ave station of the E train, YOU know the one I mean!
As some of you know, I consider myself to be quite active. I run as often as I can and as long as I can. I swim, I bike, I play with my girls whatever they drag me of to. For mother's day I even asked for a set of Golf Clubs, never too old to try something new (and now we have a new dog so I am as active as I can possibly be, considering my current health situation). So needless to say, I ALWAYS take the stairs when I have a choice and if there's only an escalator I walk up the escalator... I KNOW it drives my husband crazy!
THIS particular escalator is STEEP, but I climb it each time I am at that station, that's if I'm not running up the stairs. Last February, after my surgery, my husband and I were on our way to Memorial Sloan for my 1st post surgery appointment. Well, old habits die hard and I automatically started to walk up the escalator. THAT was NOT a good idea. I could barely take several steps at a time without taking a break. I had to 'pull over' to the right side of the escalator and not walk up. I felt dizzy, nauseous, and winded. When we got to the top, I couldn't even walk, I had to step aside. At that point it wasn't even about the physical inability of climbing the escalator, I was about to have an emotional breakdown.
I was completely overwhelmed by this escalator. At that moment, it was not about the fact that I had cancer, that I just had surgery, that I was recuperating, that my levels were off, it was about this RIDICULOUS ESCALATOR BEATING ME!!!
My wonderful husband, TRIED to talk sense into me, but at that moment it just was not happening...he just hugged me and when I was ready to start walking again, he walked slowly by my side, holding my hand.
The feeling of complete hopelessness was more than I could stand and I decided then and there that at the NEXT appointment I was going to walk up those escalators! This moment was difficult for so many reasons, but mostly because never did I expect that I would not be able to climb theses escalators. I later realized that it wasn't just about climbing the escalators, but all the other challenges that I was about to face. In my never ending positive outlook on life, I never once thought that Cancer, nor chemo, nor surgery were going to derail me from my everyday routine. This escalator experience was a bit of a wake up call. I realized that day that I had quite a journey ahead of me, not just a physical one, but an emotional one as well. Life as I knew it, was about to change.
Since last February, I've had many appointments and many opportunities to walk up those escalators. Although I have been able to walk up the escalator each time since then, I haven't been able to run YET, but I know that's coming.
I have learned many lessons during the past 18 months, but two that resonate the most are, I am stronger than I ever thought I was, and I don't give up easily. In a few weeks I have another appointment at Sloan and I will RUN up that ESCALATOR :)
